I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
two words...techno handjob
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
