Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
