Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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