it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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