I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
