why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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