She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
