id be glad to
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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