I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
