it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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