Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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