I love black thongs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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