He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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