Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
