I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize