DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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