I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
