I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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