forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
