i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
