If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
