U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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