i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
