2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
