its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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