He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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