Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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