Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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