I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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