When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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