What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
