I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
