I bet he comes in French.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
