You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
40s are totally the cure
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize