What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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