if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize