do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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