Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize