No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
