I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
