U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize