I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
