he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize