she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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