it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
