her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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