I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize