Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
