My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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