I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
