Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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