OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
