you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
