Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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