I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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