apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
