We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
