I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
