i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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