here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
