if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's always time for handjobs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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