One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MIDGETS
????
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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