On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
