There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
