OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had to cum in my sink.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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