I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
