girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
