I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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