just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
